Nervous...

Tomorrow is the second time I have to go threw this.

The prep for my hsg test is not my favorite thing.

 I just need to remember that its all going to be worth it.

All this time I've been waiting for answers could this be it?

I have no idea why I feel so strongly needing another baby.

I miss everything.

I just want Mason to have what I only wished for.

Siblings .

I didn't get siblings until I was 10 and it was a major age gap.

Thankfully my step sister was 2-3 years younger then me?

It wasn't exactly what I wanted but it was the closes thing I had.

I loved every minute of it.

Sadly it all ended to soon.

My dad and my stepmom broke up.

Very nasty .

It effected everyone.

But I think I'm the main one suffering.

I haven't seen my brother and sister in almost 3 years.

I'm lucky if I get to talk to them.

Now my father has this crazy girlfriend who has kids but did not raise them.

She has nannies do the job.

She and my father left to vegas 2 years ago and they have yet to meet my son.

I don't want my son to have so many let downs like I did when growing up.

I want to have a big family.

I will do what ever I have to, to have another child.

I just wish it was as easy as it seemed.

Growing up they always warned girls that they get pregnant so easy.

It happens just once.

Now where the hell is that now?

My whole life I was told that getting pregnant was so easy.

That just one slip up and I would become pregnant!

But now that I'm wanting another baby I cant get pregnant!!!

I've tried the break period not trying .

STILL nothing!

I don't understand how some people who don't deserve to have kids have so many!

I'm not saying that people with kids don't deserve them but I mean people who have kids and abuse them.

Leave them to raise them selves.

Have 6 of them but none of them are with them.

I understand we are all not perfect and we all have our reasons.

But what is my problem?

Why is my body doing this to me?

I see everyone else becoming pregnant and having babies and I'm just stuck here.

I cry a lot.

I cry almost every time I see someone complain about becoming pregnant and how much it sucks and how they are only 3 months pregnant but already over it!

If only they knew the other side.

How women who cant have babies feel.

We would take that any day!

Or how about those people who tell you "maybe its not your time"

"Maybe its a sign"

How the hell is my ovaries not doing its job a sign??

You think me not having a baby when we are more then ready is a sign?

WHY?

HOW?

Some people just don't understand.

Some people take it for granite.

I just hope my time comes soon.

That's my main goal right now is to become pregnant.